In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps. -Proverbs 16:9

My life is a roller coaster.

Perhaps we should hear a recording of something like the following when we are first born…

“Welcome to your life on Earth, one of the tallest, fastest, and steepest roller coasters in the Universe. When the gates open, step quickly and carefully into the seat in front of you and fasten your safety belt. If you are having problems fastening your safety belt try praying or speaking with a local pastor. We’ll be taking you 2034255 ft in the air and dropping you at 74525 mph, so sit upright, hold on tight, because God is about to strike-enjoy your ride!”

Yeah… I should probably go listen to more indie music so I have something better to quote next time… anyways… what I’m about to say is going to shock you. And just so you know, it shocked me almost as much.

I’m not going on outreach anymore.

Apparently God has other plans for me. I feel kind of privileged to be a part of such a great adventure and I’m expecting some beautiful things to take place in the stead of outreach.

This wasn’t completely out the blue because there had been some question about a month ago as to whether I would be allowed to go on outreach. (The leaders questioned whether I really saw outreach as an evangelistic effort or a humanitarian cause. I definitely acknowledge that I feel pulled more towards the social justice part of the great commission, but in no way do I deny the necessary evangelical component.) However, I thought that this question had been cleared up two weeks ago so I was still very shocked when I was given this news on Friday.

To put it simply, the staff said that they did not think that I was ready for outreach. I agree that there are many ways in which I am not ready for outreach but part of me if still struggling with confusion and disagreement with this decision… Is it ever truly possible to be ready for something? Remember how I mentioned in my last blog post that the Kingdom of God doesn’t always seem fair? I think this is another example of that. I guess God was teaching me a lesson that would be even bigger than I had first expected. Even though I disagree with their decision I expect that some day I will look back on this time and it will all make sense.

For now I get to go home and spend Christmas with my family, but for the first time in my life I have months ahead of me with absolutely nothing planned yet! This is just crazy! Friends, I am so open to suggestions!

One odd request- I bought 16 rolls of 120mm film prior to going on outreach because I was planning on renting a Hasselblad from the school. I plan on focusing on my photography even more in the coming months so if you know anyone that has a medium format camera that I could borrow I would be so willing to trade prints of some of my photos for a little time with it.

Friends, Family and All Supporters- Thank you everyone for all of your support and prayers. I will be making an attempt to contact each of my financial supporters individually.

Fellow MOTA Students- I am heartbroken that I did not get to give each one of you a proper good-bye. If there was any way that I could be there for your graduation I can promise you I would be in a heartbeat. I urge all of you to keep growing in wisdom and seeking truth!